(from late 2022)
someday when I’m in a better place about all this, I’ll do a story time about how kid me decided to learn about exorcisms so she could try to exorcise herself any time she though she might be demonstrating demonic possession or accidentally acting like a demon. because she couldn’t explain to adults why sometimes she acted so out of control, or angry, or scared, and why she felt so rebellious and un-holy.
because the scenario deserves a really funny and snark heavy story time with good humor. and I look forward to the day where I can share it in a way that acknowledges the fucked-upness but focuses instead on the hilarity of kid me’s planning, precision, and paranormal-freakout timings
anyway, when I was a kid I tried to perform a lot of demon exorcisms on myself. I had tried every other way to cleanse myself of the evil neurodivergence, queerness, and other sinful aspects of my being and my conclusion was I must’ve been possessed and if I could just get myself free then I’d be good enough and stop being in trouble and stop HAVING so much trouble feeling holy feelings and thinking approved thoughts. I was like 13
Let's take it from the top 
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